Understanding the "Male Loneliness Epidemic"
Everyone’s Talking About the Male Loneliness Epidemic. Here’s What They’re Getting Wrong
Maybe you’ve seen the phrase in a news headline — or maybe in a social media post. Maybe people were taking it seriously, or maybe they were being dismissive. Worse, maybe they were laughing about it.
It’s the male loneliness epidemic — and lately, it seems like it’s on everyone’s minds.
But what is it, really, and why is it the hot topic of the day? How does an emotion become worthy of a term like “epidemic”? Are men the only ones who are lonely? Is something that might sound trivial at first blush really worth all this attention? Or is it actually much more serious than it’s even being given credit for? And if it is that bad, how do we solve it?
In order to understand these questions and more, AskMen spoke to a handful of experts. Here’s what they had to say:
What Is the Male Loneliness Epidemic?
While you may never have heard the phrase before 2025, what it’s describing is hardly a new phenomenon — rather, it’s one that’s been gathering steam over time, and is being actively studied.
“Around the world, men tend to have fewer deep social connections than women, and the social-connection-gap has been growing over the past few decades,” says Eran Magen, PhD, CEO of EarlyAlert.me. “Men are more likely than women to report feeling lonely, and to have fewer close friends or confidants. More men than women report having zero close friends or confidants. These findings have been very consistent across many research studies, including multinational studies.”
It’s not a random occurrence, however, notes Court Vox, a somatic sex and intimacy coach, sexological bodyworker, and founder of The BodyVox, but rather the product of many different factors that have coalesced in North American culture in the past few decades.
“At the root of male loneliness is partly a breakdown of social and cultural structures that have long upheld men at the top of the food chain,” Vox says. “Simultaneously, gathering places, otherwise known as third places, are shifting — structures like churches, which have seen a decline in attendance over the last 10 years, were places for community meet-ups. Sporting events remain watering holes for American men, but they are not always ripe for authentic relating.”
“The breakdown of social structures that used to allow for male socialization has had measurable consequences,” says Brandon Wade, founder of Seeking.com.
“According to a 2021 study by the Survey Center on American Life, 15% of men now say they have no close friends, a sharp rise from just 3% back in 1990,” he notes. “Even more striking, the proportion of men with six or more close friends dropped from 55% to 27% in the same period. Younger men seem especially affected; a Pew Research Center survey in 2023 found that 63% of men aged 18 to 29 are single, nearly double the rate of their female counterparts.”
Unfortunately, friendships aren't the only issue, either — men are struggling to find and maintain romantic relationships as well, as decades of social and economic progress for women have raised standards in heterosexual dating. Today’s men are much more likely than their forebears to find themselves without a partner, without a best friend, and without a friend group all at the same time.
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At this point, it can start to feel like the friendless loser guy is no longer an aberration or oddity — now he’s the everyman.
Why We Should Take Male Loneliness Seriously
On the face of it, the phrase may strike some people as kind of funny. The male loneliness epidemic? It seems like the kind of thing stand-up comedians would love to lampoon. What about the female malaise epidemic? What about the teenage angst epidemic?
But when you dig in, the problem being described is anything but a laughing matter — because as much as loneliness might seem like one of those “just tough it out” emotions to lots of guys, it has serious (and measurable) impacts.
“Loneliness is a very serious problem, both for people who experience it and for the societies they live in,” says Magen. “Social connection is the strongest predictor of how long we live and how healthy we are. To put things in perspective, feeling lonely is just as dangerous to your physical health as being a heavy smoker.”
Meanwhile, the effects on your wellbeing and lifestyle are numerous — and essentially all negative.
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“On an emotional level, being lonely makes it harder to experience positive emotions and to process negative emotions,” Magen says. “People who have a hard time processing negative emotions are at risk of turning to more harmful forms of coping and self-medicating, which can have serious consequences for others (think drunk driving) or society as a whole (healthcare costs).”
“On an individual level, chronic loneliness significantly affects emotional and physical health,” Wade adds, “increasing the risk of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and even shortening life expectancy.”
Each of the data points and percentages in the research on loneliness represents people’s lives. This is the math of tragedy; as Wade points out, it’s devastatingly personal.
“I believe the male loneliness epidemic is actually much more serious than the way it's being discussed,” says Wade. “While data clearly illustrates how widespread this issue is, numbers alone can't fully capture the devastating personal impact of loneliness, a reality I know deeply from my own experiences.”
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He calls it “an internal state of suffering.”
If left unresolved, Wade says, loneliness “can foster more selfish thoughts and actions. Lonely individuals naturally turn inward, consumed by their own distress, and unintentionally become less empathetic toward others.”
Perhaps the worst part is that the problem, while far from intractable, is that men are so often conditioned specifically not to admit to struggles like this — meaning the first step of resolving it may never fully come into view.
“Society's expectation that men shouldn't cry and must always ‘man-up’ makes loneliness even harder to address,” Wade says. “This pressure often causes men to close up rather than open up, preventing them from seeking the help they genuinely need. As a result, loneliness can spiral into deeper problems such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and tragically, even suicide.”
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And, despite the way loneliness suggests a single or sole individual, Wade notes that it’s far from something that only affects the lonely men in question.
“If left unresolved,” he says, “it spreads outward, manifesting in fear-based thinking and selfish actions, ultimately impacting families, communities, and society as a whole.”
You can see that already in some of the ascendant ideas about manhood that young men are espousing today, Vox notes.
“When you look at the growing incel community and the toxicity behind that culture, along with pseudo-celebs like Andrew Tate leading a pack of young boys looking for somewhere to belong, and the growing number of young white men responsible for school and social shootings, we have to look at this as a systemic issue that begs asking deeper questions than simply, ‘Why are men so lonely?’”
Whether it’s themselves or others or both, for some young men, this alienation is a life-and-death issue. Meanwhile, as they age, loneliness is still an issue. Studies have shown that a lack of connections in older men leads to reduced quality of life and earlier deaths.
In short, every way you look at it, the male loneliness epidemic is a serious problem that bears immediate and thorough addressing.
How to Address the Male Loneliness Epidemic
Given the myriad causes that feed into something like the male loneliness epidemic, it can be hard to know how to start addressing it.
But while dealing with it at the societal level may be a problem for governments and well-funded organizations to tackle, everyday people can do their part to push back against the forces of atomization that lead to so much loneliness, too.
You’re not going to fix things overnight, but you can genuinely change your life (and those of others) by adopting meaningfully different approaches to the problem. As they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
“Start connecting with others,” Magen advises. “Any connection is better than no connection, and more connection is better than a little connection.”
You can’t expect to grow a lifelong friendship in a short span of time, but everyday actions can slowly add up to form the basis for something more meaningful.
“Begin to create a small community for yourself, with one or two people you can trust, rely on, and be authentic with,” says Vox. “You don’t need dozens of friends, you need a few really good ones.”
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Both Magen and Vox suggest seeking out pre-existing communities, as well — areas of interest you might hold, Vox says, like “outdoor activities, sports, spiritual organizations, service oriented activities, cultural events like dance classes, exercise, etc.”
People in interest-focused groups like this are often more open to newcomers than people whose social groups are formed around pre-existing closeness, like friend groups who went to school together or who worked the same job.
“Relationships take time to grow, so don't rush it,” Magen says. “As you spend time with the group you'll get a sense of who you enjoy and appreciate. Then comes the hard part: Dare to make a friend. Before or after the activity, approach the person you like and start a conversation. Simple questions can get you a long way: ‘Where do you live?’ or ‘How long have you lived here?’ or ‘When did you start attending this group?’ can open up a nice conversation.”
If these initial interactions go reasonably well, Magen says you can then follow them up by suggesting a one-on-one hangout.
“If this sounds scary, you're right: Most people find this scary,” he says. “Which means most people you approach will be grateful if you take the initiative to start, just as you would be grateful if someone you like approached you to suggest starting a friendship. Instead of waiting, be bold and generate your own opportunities.”
Besides joining local groups, Magen preaches the value of “upgrading” acquaintanceships to actual friendships by “sharing more meaningfully about yourself and inquiring more meaningfully about the other person.”
It can be awkward and vulnerable, but the truth is that if you want a deeper connection with someone, you have to put some work in, and that can mean uncomfortable moments in the short term where you’re sharing more intimate information about your life than you’re used to, or feeling anxious waiting for a response from someone you just proposed a hangout to, or similar.
The fact of the matter is that one of the main reasons women are less lonely than men on average is their friendships are typically deeper rooted thanks in no small part to a greater ability to be vulnerable with the people they care about. Because contemporary masculinity is so devoted to (often superficial) ideas of strength, most men aren’t great at being emotionally vulnerable — and their friendships and relationships suffer as a result.
If you already have people you consider close friends but who you don’t see often enough, Magen says it’s time to start pushing harder for time with them, whether it’s in person or not.
“Make a standing phone date with friends who live far away (once a week, or once every other week, or once a month, whatever feels right to you), or a lunch/dinner date with friends who are nearby,” he suggests. “Be the one to suggest getting together and going for a walk or just sit around and talk. Put it on the calendar, because what's on the calendar is more likely to happen.”
Finally, he says, don’t despair if your efforts don’t immediately fix things.
“This can take time,” Magen explains, but it’s worth it. “As you make more friends and enlarge your social circles, one friend at a time, the rewards are enormous — a rich and satisfying social life, people who care about you and about whom you care. It is, as far as we know, what makes life worth living.”
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