How to Actually Make Friends as an Adult
More and More Men Express Feeling Lonely — Here's What They Can Do to Reconnect
Making friends as an adult can feel unexpectedly difficult. Schedules are packed, routines are fixed, and the casual proximity that once made connection effortless, like classrooms and part-time jobs, has largely disappeared. Despite being more digitally connected than ever, many adults report feeling lonelier because they’re unsure how to build connections at this stage of life.
“There’s a friendship recession happening among successful men. Remote work, relocations, and nonstop family obligations leave men constantly surrounded but rarely connected,” says Antonio Neves, men's coach, global speaker, and author of Stop Living on Autopilot. “Historically, men didn’t survive without other men. We hunted, fought, traveled, and built in tribes. Modern life removed the tribe but kept the biology.”
This disconnect isn’t just emotional. Modern adulthood prioritizes productivity, independence, and self-sufficiency, which often leaves little room for emotional openness. As a result, friendships that once formed naturally now require intention and a willingness to be slightly uncomfortable.
RELATED: Understanding the Male Loneliness Epidemic
If you’re at a phase of life where you could do with more companions in your life, here’s how to set out and actually make friends as an adult:
Don’t Hesitate to Reach Out First
“I have learned that adult friendship does not fail because men do not want connection but because men do not know how to ask for connection,” says Abdullah Boulad, founder & CEO, THE BALANCE RehabClinic. “I have seen loneliness hide behind schedules, responsibility and the belief that needing people is a weakness. Real friendship grows when men are honest with each other, including expressing when they’ve been feeling distant and suggesting a simple coffee meetup.”
Think of Connection as an Investment
“Men must reframe friendship acquisition from a networking model to an investment model,” suggests Koen Geron, founder of Hovalo. “My clients consistently try to build friendships around shared activities, which yields a low return on connection because it avoids vulnerability.”
Instead, Geron says that a better strategy is to identify two men you respect and schedule a 45-minute call or coffee with no agenda other than getting to know them. “We find this structured, intentional approach similar to a first date converts acquaintances to friends 50 percent faster than relying on sporadic hobby-based interactions.”
… or Platonic Dating
“The key is treating the follow-up with the same intentionality you would a promising romantic connection,” says Geron. “Do not wait for the next group event to reconnect but instead schedule the next one-on-one conversation within 14 days to maintain momentum.”
According to Geron, this process filters for men who are equally invested in building a genuine connection beyond the surface level. “True friendship for busy professionals requires the same discipline and structure as building a successful company or a lasting romantic partnership,” he adds.
Accept That Friendship Isn’t Effortless
“Many boys grow up with the notion that friendship has to be effortless or it can be only about the things they do together, but mature friendships need to be worked on and built through open communication and trust,” says Caitlin Moore, Mental Health Expert, Behavioral Health Leader, Stone River Behavioral Health & Wellness. “The very beginning of this process can be as simple as telling your own feelings, asking someone how they are really doing, or suggesting a non-stressful activity; although it can be a little awkward at first, that is completely normal.”
According to Moore, it is very common for boys to be taught to choose independence and self-reliance over sharing their feelings, which causes admitting that one is lonely or asking for help to be seen as risky or even shameful.
On the other hand, women usually have more social situations that prompt them to express their feelings and to keep their relationships alive, thus they might find it easier to maintain friendships. “Nevertheless, the positive side of the situation is that men can gradually get rid of some of these limiting habits,” says Moore.
Have a Willingness to Be Inconvenienced
Neves also pointed out that friendship doesn’t just require effort but it also requires inconvenience in order to be a good friend and have good friendships. “If you’re not willing to meet up in person, get in the car, or carve out time weekly, the relationship never gets past the surface,” he explains.
Sample Different Meetups and Groups
Now that you’re in the right headspace to expand your social circle, all you need is the right place to start looking for like-minded acquaintances. “The fastest way for men to make real friends as adults is through recurring group activity,” says Neves. “Weekly workouts, standing coffees, faith groups, men’s meetups… In my weekly man morning group, we meet for an hour and ask two simple questions: 'What are you celebrating?' and 'What are you navigating?'”
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