Small Habits That Make It Easier to Talk About Your Feelings
6 Steps You Can Take to Better Communicate Your Emotions to Yourself and Others
If you struggle to talk about your feelings, you’re not alone – 40% of men won’t talk to anyone about their mental health, according to a Priory survey.
As Liam DeGeorgio, associate psychotherapist at Kindman & Company, puts it, the “solitary, island-like man who handles his business alone and depends on no one is one of the more confining structures of male socialization.”
But nobody wins in this paradigm, as the ability to be vulnerable is a crucial aspect of forming genuine connections. Men isolate themselves. Relationships suffer. Partners feel shut out.
Even if you understand this and would love to be able to talk about your feelings with more ease, it can be incredibly hard to feel safe doing so – and this isn’t your fault, as you may have been rejected or shamed for expressing your feelings in the past.
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The good news is, it is possible to break out of this pattern, one intentional moment at a time. Here are small habits that make it easier to express your emotions.
Allow Yourself to Just Be
How often do you allow yourself to just be, especially when you’re feeling down, stressed or restless? The urge to “fix” your feelings by doing something about them comes from a good place, but it can hinder your ability to be comfortable with your own emotions – the first step to being able to talk about them.
“There is immense value in simply allowing yourself to be where you are at a given moment,” notes DeGeorgio, who recalls his own challenges with verbalizing feelings. “I had been thoroughly conditioned that, unless there was some immediate and obvious need I could express, my feelings were largely frivolous, impotent, and undeserving of recognition.”
“I was not feeling OK, and I wasn’t even sure if there was something to fix. And my insistence on crushing and flattening those complex sensations was not allowing me to be where I was.”
Sit With the Sensations in Your Body
This is why the habit of sitting with the sensations in your body as they come up – before even trying to name them or act on them – is a powerful one.
“Recognize the apparent need to DO something. Don’t think about resisting it or analyzing those impulses. Name their presence and return to feeling through your embodied experience. Notice if any parts of your body feel tense or your muscles have tightened,” recommends DeGeorgio.
Doing this for a couple of minutes a few times a day can go a long way in making you more comfortable with your own feelings. Breathe deeply and just notice where you’re at and what you’re experiencing without judging it. Maybe it’s tightness in your throat or flutters in your stomach. “Once the body feels acknowledged, emotions tend to follow more naturally,” adds art therapist and coach Marie Freisleben.
Externalize Feelings Through Creative Expression
Talking about your feelings is not the only way to express them. Exploring other forms of emotional expression can be beneficial, says Freisleben, who recommends activities like sketching, journaling, building something or even working out to avoid bottling up your emotions: “In therapy, this externalization reduces shame and overwhelm.”
As you stop bottling emotions up and give them a healthy outlet, you may just find yourself more comfortable sharing them with someone else.
Practice Sharing in Low-Stakes Moments
There’s a difference between talking about your deepest wounds and sharing something less emotionally triggering. Talking about your feelings in lower-stakes moments can help you build the ability to open up in bigger ways down the line.
“Sharing something small like, ‘That situation stressed me out more than I expected,’ helps build emotional muscle. Repetition in safe, low-pressure contexts teaches the nervous system that expression doesn’t automatically lead to conflict or rejection,” says Freisleben.
Avoid Counterproductive Situations
That said, this is only true when you open up to the right people, and it’s important to avoid environments where you’re told things like “calm down,” “be logical” or “get over it,” notes Freisleben, as “healing requires spaces that allow curiosity, not correction.”
It’s also important to avoid pushing yourself to be vulnerable too fast, since it can backfire and lead to emotional shutdown. “Emotional safety comes from pacing, not pressure,” adds Freisleben.
Go to Therapy Regularly
If you are able to, going to therapy can be a life-changing habit to help you learn how to talk about your feelings. “You become more comfortable sharing your feelings and you experience being listened to and supported by another person throughout the process,” says DeGeorgio.
Even a space like the right men’s group can help you get out of your comfort zone while being truly listened to, which can have a profound impact on your ability to express emotions.
Remember that embracing new ways of relating requires practice and consistency. It might very much look like taking two steps forward and one step back. But learning how to talk about your feelings more comfortably is worth the effort and can completely transform your emotional well-being and relationships.
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Mental Health