AskFemme: Why Would My Partner Prefer a Threesome With a Sex Worker?
Why Does My Girlfriend Say She'd Rather Have a Threesome With a Sex Worker Than Go on Dates Together?
Welcome to AskFemme, our new sex column that’s all about demystifying female desire. My name is Sophie Saint Thomas, and I’m going to be answering all your sex questions — because for all the men who sleep with women, the best advice for getting better in bed is going to come from a woman. I will do my best to be nice, but one thing I won’t be is dishonest. Women still aren’t having enough orgasms, and men still seem super confused about that, so the point of this column is to help bridge that gap with some genuine openness and clarity about the nitty-gritty of sex.
The Question:
Kevin, a 45-year-old straight guy from New York, wants to know: “Why does my girlfriend say she'd rather have a threesome with a sex worker than go on dates together?”
The Answer:
Here’s what I’ve learned about couples who sleep with women, aka, the infamous unicorn hunters. For some men, oddly, but perhaps not surprisingly, the sex, the actual threesome, is actually not the biggest pull.
For these men, it’s the chase. They are happily partnered (with a girlfriend who lets them have threesomes! I hope you’re paying her rent!), but as a result, they don’t date anymore. For them, reeling the unicorn in, the chase, knowing that they’ve still got it makes them feel better about themselves than the actual threesome.
However. And this is a big however!
What these men don’t realize — or what they absolutely realize, but don’t want to admit — is that their girlfriend, the female partner, is actually the one doing all the emotional labor to get the third, the other woman, in bed.
RELATED: A Guy's Guide to Emotional Labor
When you go out on these dates, it’s up to your girlfriend to be alluring and charming. The new lady probably would never go home with you if it was just you! Going on dates is exhausting. And I’m sorry, but there’s a very real chance that these threesomes are more important to you than they are to your partner.
On top of that, going on dates does not guarantee a threesome. You must know this by now; I’m sure you’ve been on plenty of them. How many times have you expected your girlfriend to spend hours swiping on Feeld, getting dolled up, and putting all this energy into a date, only to realize that there’s no chemistry, and not even get laid!
Believe it or not, by wanting to simply hire a sex worker, your girlfriend is actually thinking more like a man in the old-fashioned, gendered sense, in that she just wants to skip the games and have sex. She wants a sure thing. And not just a sure thing! She wants a professional.
Even when she does all that successful emotional labor, there’s a decent chance that for some of those threesomes, the sex really sucks for her. Just because someone decides to go home with a couple doesn’t mean they know how to eat pussy!
What’s good sex for you could be horrible for her. If you hire a sex worker, not only does your girlfriend get to skip the swiping on Feeld, the exhausting dates, but she gets to skip the bad pussy eating.
And all of that is just talking about the emotional labor before the sex, and how it pertains to you and your girlfriend. Believe it or not, those “unicorns” you’re fucking are real, whole people, with emotions, dreams, and desires. You shouldn’t just fuck them and never speak to them again!
RELATED: How to Find a Third Partner for a Threesome
You should follow up, send flowers, talk about if they are looking to date, etc., etc. Once again, you probably expect most of such emotional labor to fall on your girlfriend. If you hire a sex worker, she gets to have her pussy eaten by someone who’s good at it, and skip all that.
Some ignorant fools are probably thinking: But I don’t want an STI. If we hire a sex worker, I have to worry about getting an STI! Actually, that is a far more likely concern if you’re not using a sex worker. If anyone is going to skip testing, lie about results or status, it’s someone who isn’t a professional. Sex workers not only know all about safer sex, but they get regularly tested and know how to communicate about it.
So, in conclusion: Your girlfriend wants to hire a sex worker because she’s tired of doing all the emotional labor for your pleasure. She sees the “unicorns” you’re sleeping with, or trying to sleep with, as whole people, and is tired of being the only one responsible for their aftercare.
She’s tired of going on dates that might not even lead to sex. She’s tired of bad sex! She cares about her health because she’s very smart, and you should listen to her on this one. In case you haven’t figured this out by now, she’s probably too good for you.
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