Worst Things to Say After Sex
6 Things You Should Never Say Immediately After Hooking Up
You’ve done the deed (congrats!) and are enjoying the sweet, sweet post-coital cuddle.
That is, until your mind starts to race. The weight of the silence between the two of you becomes too much, and you start thinking about ways to fill it. But, with what?
Should you ask if she enjoyed it? Crack a joke? Wax philosophical about some highbrow topic? Chat about the weather? If you’re at your place, should you ask if they want to stay over? Or offer to call a ride?
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If this situation sounds familiar, you’ve come to the right place. It’s more than common to want to fill that awkward post-sex silence with conversation. But not all topics of conversation are exactly appropriate — or wanted — in this type of moment.
To help you out, we asked some real people to share what they definitely don’t want to hear after having sex with you. Here’s what they said about the worst things you could possibly say after sex.
“Are you on the pill?”
Talking about safer sex after you’ve already done the deed is never OK. While it can be easy to get caught up in the excitement of getting laid, but that doesn’t let you off the hook for talking to your partner about protection proactively.
Sure, bringing it up after sex isn’t as bad as not bringing it up at all — but this should never be the default. There are plenty of ways to ask for consent without killing the vibe. Read up and be prepared so that you never have to ask post-sex.
“Oh, I just got a text…”
Immediately reaching for your phone to start texting with your pals is bad form all around. If you have time to have sex, you have time to give the person who had it with you the attention they deserve before the two of you get back out of bed.
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“Nothing makes me feel worse than having sex with someone who reaches for their phone right after it’s over," says Kate, 33. “I would rather sit in silence than next to someone who’s so addicted to their phone that they have to look at it as soon as we’re done.”
Grabbing your phone the second you’re bored might be perfectly normal when you’re alone, but in the company of someone else, it’s sort of like telling them they’re failing at keeping your attention. In a hookup context, that’s not likely to go over super well.
“Did you shower today?”
If you can’t be nice, be quiet. If there’s something that happened during sex that you want to address, doing so immediately after when your partner is in their most vulnerable state is not only unkind, it’s unacceptable.
“I’m a big guy and was asked this once by a guy I had met while I was out at a bar,” said Kai, 28. “It was hot in there and I knew I had been sweating throughout the night, but he initially made me feel so comfortable that I ended up leaving with him anyway. He asked me this right after we finished, and it felt terrible. I’ve avoided that bar ever since, I hope I never run into him again.”
Unless this is someone you’ve been seeing regularly in a friends-with-benefits scenario and there’s a certain amount of trust when it comes to feedback, pointed negative feedback about their grooming is not something you should offer in the aftermath of sex.
Just think — you wouldn’t want someone to tell you you smell bad, would you?
“Was it good for you?”
Though it is a staple of pop culture sex scenes, that moment afterward when you’re both still in bed is not a great time to ask for a performance review.
If you’re genuinely looking to know whether or not your partner was satisfied, do it at a time where you’re both fully clothed and some time has passed for your partner to be able to gather their thoughts.
Otherwise, it just ends up putting pressure on the other person to say yes, when that may not be accurate.
“I hate this question, because if it wasn’t great, you’re asking me to look you in the eyes after you gave me your best effort and tell you it didn’t do it for me, which is such a bad position to put someone in,” says Claire, 23.
“Wow, I can’t believe you’re into [insert kink here]”
It can’t be stressed enough how important consent is, and that includes performing whatever kinks you and your partner are into.
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If the person you’re having sex with asks you to do something you’re not comfortable with, it’s completely OK to say no. Going through with it when you’re uncomfortable is going to be bad for both parties. Doing this and then kink-shaming them about it is even worse.
“I once had a partner ask me what I wanted and told him to put his tongue in my ear," said Natalie, 29. “He did it, but then asked me a million questions about it after we were done having sex, not really understanding or believing that it was something I enjoyed, which made me super self conscious about the whole thing.”
“Do you know your way home?”
It’s OK if you don’t want your partner to stay over — or if you don’t want to, depending on where the two of you are. It’s not great, however, to make a comment like this without giving them the benefit of some context as to why you would like them to leave or are leaving.
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“Tell me you have a big day at work or even that you don’t sleep well with someone else in your bed, but don’t just kick me out," says Justine, 32. “As long as you’re not saying this 30 seconds after we’ve finished and have spent some time together, I’ll take it well. If you want to go above and beyond, offer to call me an Uber.”
Calling your hookup partner a cab or rideshare is a classy move and if you can afford it, we do recommend it, especially in booty-call situations where you didn’t spend any money on a date beforehand.
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